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Mr. Fix It

By Prakash Subbarao

This is a true story is set in the year 2003.

If you have read the story "The Corporate Condom", you will know who I am talking about. His name is Abdul Raoof and he is one of the most resourceful persons in Dubai. He makes his money by helping people "fix" their problems.

Abdul Raoof is a very likeable person. He is a person of medium height. Quite overweight, his bulk is hidden behind a kandura, the white robes that Arabs wear. Very suave and always smiling (though often the smile doesn't reach his eyes) he is a person who can fix any problem.

Since most problems in Dubai and the U.A.E. involve immigration violations he can often be found early in the morning at Dubai Immigration, hobnobbing with the director as also all the minions who work there, strengthening his influence.

I came into contact with Abdul Raoof because he happened to be the brother of my sponsor in Dubai.

I soon realized that there was more to Abdul Raoof than met the eye. He was, quite often, a genuinely nice person and all one needed to enlist his help was to ask. Once I was in a minor jam in Dubai. I had given someone my "bataka" (identity card) for safekeeping and when I asked for it back, the person had refused to return it, sensing an opportunity to extract money. I told Abdul Raoof this. He appeared quite upset. "Let's go see him immediately" he said. We went to the office of the person in question and the very sight of a determined and angry UAE national was enough to persuade the person to meekly return my bataka.

Everyone in the UAE needs all the help one can get and so I cultivated Abdul Raoof.

One day I happened to be having a cup of tea with him in Al Khaleej Centre in Bur Dubai. His cell phone rang. After speaking in rapid fire Arabic for a few minutes he looked at me and said "Parakash, I will have a few people come here to meet me. But please stay! I will talk to them for about five minutes and they will leave. We can continue to talk after that."

Soon enough a man and a woman came to the table. More realistically, a Russian whore and her Arab pimp. The man spoke in Arabic while the woman kept crying non-stop.

Abdul Raoof took out his mobile and spoke briefly to someone in Arabic. He then turned his attention back to the couple.

After a few minutes the man stood up to leave. Abul Raoof patted the woman sympathetically on her shoulder and she must have realized that her "problem" had been solved, for she smiled through her tears and left.

"What is her problem?" I asked Abdul Raoof.

"Oh! Her Arab sponsor has her passport with him and is refusing to hand it back to her. She is fed up with this life and wants to go home but cannot. I have fixed it."

"How have you fixed it?" I asked, intrigued.

"It is very simple" he said. "I called my friend in the CID (Corps of Detectives). I asked him which nightclub he would be raiding this evening. He told me that he would be raiding "The Cyclone". I told him that this girl would be seated on the sofa in the reception area and that he should arrest her. I told the girl to say that she has no papers. She will be jailed briefly - for maybe a month - and then she will be deported."

Emboldened by the intimacy of this declaration, I casually asked him what he would get for this service.

"Oh, around $6,000" he said.

Yes, Abdul Raoof is truly a useful person to know. He's can really "Fix It".

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